NOT Freezing My Butt Off!

I swear, there are so many things going wrong all the time, there’s just not enough time to complain about all of them. I do my best (somebody’s gotta do it), but so many problems…so little time! On the other hand, we all know that back in the OLD days, EVERYthing was better! So once in awhile, it’s good to know that the way things used to be is still the way things are.

I’m talking about cold weather.

For years and years, I’ve gone outside in the winter weather and it’s so damn cold I’d freeze my ass off! Fortunately, we have a good ass shop around here so I can get a new one each spring. Yah, it’s cracked, but it’s impossible to get a good ass without some kind of crack in it, so you do what you do.

Then we bought an ice cream making machine. It’s important to have because ice cream is one of the major food groups and it’s getting too expensive. I think because it’s not made in China. Usually, it’s made here in America. And with the foreign exchange rates, well…that’s a whole other story.

Simply wanting to save some money and space in the freezer, we figured that we could chill the “freezing” bowl outside. It’s winter, after all, and everyone knows that it’s freezing cold. We did that, and tried making our first batch of ice cream. It failed miserably! Apparently the bowl wasn’t cold enough.

But we prevailed! Using this new-fangled inner netting we did some research. Could’ve gone to the library, like normal people do, I suppose, but it was frickin’ cold out! We decided to check out just how cold a freezer is supposed to be, like the one in your kitchen.

By Gosh! Did you know that a freezer is typically set around zero degrees? We looked at the thermometer and it was only 16 degrees outside! Hah! So it turns out that for all these years when I’ve been figurin’ I’ve been freezing, it’s actually all been A Great Lie!

That makes me feel better, that’s for sure! Here I thought it was cold out, and now I learn that it’s not all that cold at all! Keep that in mind, next time you’re out there complaining about freezing your butt off. You’re probably not, except for a few times every so often.

And y’know how old people always talk about how much colder it used to be, but they dealt with it? They walked miles and miles to school, both ways, up hill in a blizzard. Well, see? It wasn’t that cold!