Toilet Paper – Yet Again!

This is really getting ridiculous! You think I want to talk about toilet paper all the time? This is, what…fun? Of course it isn’t! But toilet paper is an example of the world going to hell in a handbasket, by gum! The latest fiasco is that you can’t buy colored toilet paper anymore!

Why? Because some idiot of a scientist came out with a “test” that demonstrated colored toilet paper is bad for you! Imagine that! Who would test such a thing? It turns out that according to this supposed test, the dye used to make the colors is irritating to that delicate area usually involved in the application of the product.

The result? Customers (also often being idiots) decided that God forbid we should have any more irritations! And so people stopped choosing color-coordinated toilet paper. Why I remember when decorating a home and a bathroom was fun! I remember when you could burn leaves in the fall! I remember when toys could kill you! Not today, though. No sirree! Colored toilet paper might kill you.

Scott used to sell colors; they were the last remaining company that sold colored toilet paper. Their paper is worthless, really, but hey, if you have to have a color-coordinated bathroom, what’cha gonna do, right? (Or is that doo? I dunno…just sayin’.) Anyway, at least Scott had the good sense to still sell various colors. And then they stopped!

We did some research, called in many people, and asked both of them what was going on. We couldn’t get an answer worth sh*t, so we resorted to the On Line. That’s when we found out about this conspiracy to eliminate all colors except for white toilet paper. To save the children, to save the whales, to save the trees, or some other such stupidity.

Net result? We’re screwed. That’s all she wrote, as far as color-coordinated bathrooms. Oddly enough, you can still get “tissues” (I’m talking snot-rag paper tissues) in various colors. Even those are getting harder to find, though, presumably because they’ll make you blind, or kill you, or wreck the planet.

It just costs too much. That’s the story. Apparently EVERYthing costs too much, nowadays! That’s probably why every single store in America now carries exactly the same products, the same brands, and the same junk. Do you think we get our toilet paper from China too? Probably. I wish life were simpler, like in the Good Old Days. Back when you could get your toilet paper in whatever color you liked. Back when you could get a rare hamburger, too, before they found out that’ll kill you even faster than the dye in toilet paper!

Explore posts in the same categories: Rants & Raves

4 Comments on “Toilet Paper – Yet Again!”

  1. CaptainDave Says:

    We have one of those bathrooms where the sinks, toilet, tub and accessories are all a beautiful deep-fired green porcelain. The pastel green TP used to look great in there. Now, you can’t get it. Scott Paper — bring back colored toilet paper!

    • Master Grump Says:

      Not only have “they” stopped selling colors, now the cardboard tube is so cheap it doesn’t stay round! The paper roll is thinner, so it looks like a refugee huddled on the middle of the holder. The paper is cheaper, and it’s all because they want to keep the prices the same. I say raise the prices, but keep the quality! This is America, after all!

  2. NYCurmudgeon Says:

    I used to work summers at Scott Paper while going to college. Most of the time I was relegated to color repack, grabbing from full colored boxes and tossing to another box to make a multi-mixed box. Three shifts of six people and lift truck time could be eliminated by ending the mix. That’s only part of it. When i wasn’t chained to that process, I’d lug finishing department waste carts to be tossed by lift trucks back into the swirling hopper. The load was dissolved and re-bleached to start the cycle over. The break room down by the river had the best coffee and a window, a real luxury. From there I could sip away and see what color was running that day. It was rather pretty watching the muddy clean water of the Upper Hudson blending with our over spill pipe contribution. The pollutants were likely nothing compared to what colored the water of the Hocking River at college in Ohio. Walking over that bridge everyday I’d see changing hues from a serious chemical plant. As a kid we used, of course, nothing but that brand of colored paper. Last time I checked, my backdoor is none the worse for all that decorative tissue. And, that’s a comfort. As for the scented stuff, now that is just silly when you think about it.

    • Master Grump Says:

      Well, that’s as good an explanation as I’ve seen! And explains why it’s cheaper to just stick with white paper. That being said, I don’t see why we can’t have teams of people with colored high-lighters or crayons coloring the paper? I mean, c’mon…isn’t customization and personalization the name of the game nowadays? 🙂

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