Oh Sure – Christmas Again!

On the first day of Christmas my neighbors gave to me…..
A lotta aggravation, too many damn lights,
and a traffic jam at the end of my own damn driveway!

Doesn’t Christmas look more and more like a cheap hooker these days? Paying too much money for fake love that doesn’t last? What’s THAT all about? Bah…Humbug! They oughta make Christmas the way it USED to be!

Why, I remember when we had to grow our own trees! It took years and years and years and years! Then we’d get a hatchet and slice that sucker off the ground, haul it inside and let it die in the living room! It was great! Every so often, a tree would catch on fire and go up in a blaze of glory. Looked like that star in the East, that time when Mr. Billingsworth’s tree went up. Hoo-ee! Was THAT somethin’ to see!

And we didn’t have ornaments. Not like nowadays, anyway. We had to make our OWN ornaments…from Nothing! We’d get some popcorn, cranberries, a needle, some thread, and try to sew them in a string. Then when it got really cold after New Year’s Day, we’d eat the ornaments because that’s all we had left in the cabin!

Nope, kids today have it too easy! They wake up and run downstairs and there’s the whole shebang, right there! WE didn’t get to “wake up.” Nope, we weren’t allowed to sleep! We didn’t have sleep back then, no sirreee! We worked! Yup, all of us on the farm worked, even the babies. They couldn’t do much, but they made good door stops!

Things oughta be like they used to be. None of this shopping for stuff that doesn’t work. Or if people do have to go to a store, they should pull their own sleds! Back and forth to the store. Uphill, all the way. Through the snow! In a blizzard! With no shoes! Yup, back then we had snow all year ’round! Why, we’d get 40-feet of snow, and that was just during Spring!

Christmas humbug grouch Scrooge

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