Lane Ends 1000 Feet

Doesn’t it seem like we’re getting more and more stupid drivers lately? You’re driving along and there’s some road construction. Everywhere you look, you can see signs and barricades. Traffic has slowed, and there are both written and pictured signs: The road is going to FRICKIN’ END up ahead! So merge to the left or right!

How hard is that to figure out? The lane you’re in is going to come to an end! There will be no more road! It will cease to be! The pavement upon which your car and its wheels depend is about to be terminated! MOVE to the other lane!

Ah, but for the mopes and morons zooming along in the closed lane, there is always hope. Hope that if they go fast enough, they’ll beat out everyone else! They’ll get ahead! They’ll get home faster! They’ll be better! They’ll be…special.

Sure enough, you’re in the through lane, traffic is crawling, and cars are flying by in the closing lane. And sure enough, when you finally reach the closed barricade, two things happen. The first is that EVERYbody comes to a dead stop. The second is that some frickin’ moron is trying to sneak into the through lane.

What, they forgot? They didn’t notice the half-mile of signs? Of course not! They’re special. The rules don’t apply to them. They’re Very Busy People (VBPs). Far more important than anyone else. And of course you should come to a dead stop and allow their Very Special Car (VSC) into the line ahead of you. It’s their right as VBPs.

Under the Cash for Clunkers program, we’ve recently purchased a secondhand military tank. We’ve tested it out, and there’s no problem at all driving right over VSCs. It crushes them flat and leaves us with an entirely satisfied feeling.

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